Blog 24: Omnipresence

I have been wanting to write this blog for a long time. Maybe for last two months. I kept postponing it, deliberately, so that I am able to write with a calm mind. This is about my father (baba), who left us for his journey abode (this is the way people put it) in December 2022. With a big vacuum in my life and with the infinite memories in my mind and with frequent wetting of eyes, I thought it is better to postpone. But now, I guess it is good time to write this small blog.

Like most of us, I had a wonderful childhood while he was around. He had a unique feature of being protective towards me and my brother, Uday. We have countless memories of he taking us out for nice evening dinners and ice-cream stops and also to movies and marathi plays. I remember him taking efforts to make me join University, while I was thinking of some diploma course. I recall him taking efforts to ensure that we both are well educated, get an appropriate life-partner and so on. Nothing new, perhaps.. every father does it. But many-a-times, the expression is poor and we fail to realize it. If this realization is late, it can be very painful. But if it is not, and if we, as children, get an opportunity to realize and give-back, even 5% of what parents do for us, I guess, we are very very fortunate. The peace within us is immense and very satisfying.

As he was sick during his last few days (maybe for ~ 3 months), I had very close association with him. Me and my brother (along with our mother and Narendra (my husband)) took care of him and I spent lot of time with him. Uday was not around for long. But whenever he was, he gave 100% of his time to him. Even while baba was so unwell, baba never complained. He did not express much of his pain and we would keep him happy showing him our old photographs, videos, old songs and movies and reading books for him. Uday was highly instrumental in making me aware of such small things which we could do, as his children, and make him happy and smiling. I cannot thank Uday enough, for making me realize that the quality of time we spend with him is important, and not only the medicines and treatments which we give (anyways, even a nurse would do that). Narendra was my baba’s favorite and baba would answer all questions which Narendra would ask him, religiously (It was a way to understand if his memory is working fine, and Narendra used to ask him standard questions to gauge his health parameters). Madhavi (Uday’s wife) would be in touch continuously to check on baba’s well-being.

Normally, as we grow up and engage in this society for our own professions, our own children and for our family chores, we tend to forget the root of our existence, which are our parents. The time when most of us realize this, it is probably very late. I am lucky to have my aai and baba close to my house. I could meet them almost every day and sometimes twice a day and could chat with them for long hours. Not everyone could be so fortunate. Towards the end of his journey, Baba would insist that we all stay close to him, talk with him and pray together. It was a time which I will never forget. As he left us, he ensured (in some mystic way) that we were fast asleep and did not feel his departure. He left gracefully and again, protecting our emotions. I felt very sad and so also everyone in the entire family.

Now that some time has passed, I do not see a single day on which I wouldn’t remember him. Initially I missed him and it felt like a vacuum in the life. But slowly I got over it. Some say that it is the natural instinct of humans to come to a path of minimum pain and hence we tend to remember only good memories. However, something interesting struck to me while I was travelling (for work, or leisure or adventure). It so happened that while I was alone and by myself, his memories would come in, in such a way that it was almost like him just being around. I could relate a part of him in the people whom I met, I saw on the streets, in the cool breeze that passed me, in the silent waters of rivers and sea, in the golden sun shining and setting in front of me. I just thought that as a person is born, just the way in which it is made of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen, naturally, as he/she dies, it just gives back to the nature, the very same ingredients. In that sense, nobody is extinct. Everyone just would change the form and be around. Therefore, my baba, I feel, in the same way, is omnipresent. Whenever I would be alone, or in unknown territory or in trouble, I guess he would be around to hold and help and assist. The form may be different, but his presence will be felt. The feeling was quite refreshing..!! And how does he show his expressions then? Well, as I see my brother’s calm face, I recall baba’s calm face. Baba is (in some sense) expressing himself through Uday. As I see myself in mirror, I resemble him. Therefore my smile, Uday’s habits, style of talking, walking, dealing with problems, everything will have his expressions. Therefore he is surely living through us now..!!

Such a wonderful feeling was this, which relieved me from the grief of his loss. There is nothing to lose, because nothing is lost from this universe. The presence is omni.. enveloping this universe and our own personal universe..!! As he lives through us now, it is a moral responsibility of ours to be of same type. Caring, responsible, passionate about our work and taking responsibility of the well-being of aai..!

Does the universe ever get filled up with presence of such all those who leave us, physically? I do not know. But my baba is omnipresent, for sure. He will be at peace when we are at peace. It is time to live with good responsibility and happiness…!